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From the Publisher
In Conversation with Robert Mayer
Think about your last argument with a family member, a coworker, a supplier, a customer, a boss, a contractor, or the IRS.
Were you convinced that the other side had a closed mind? Did either side put up the same tired arguments, resisting new facts and information? Did either side overgeneralize differences, saying, “You always…,” “You only…,” or “You never…”? Did either side make threats they really didn’t want to carry out? Did either side lose their cool? Did the other side then counter by angrily raising their voice?
Arguments Are a War of Words….
Each side digging in to defend their position. Resisting change because they are committed to the status quo…or because in their minds there is a justification that supports their position…or because they are attached to what is comfortable and familiar…or because their good judgment is on the line.
Each side withholding information or distorting the information they choose to give. Each side saying only those things they can say well. Each side changing from being stubbornly right to being adamantly righteous. Each side relying on their gut instincts and premonitions. And why not? It’s always easier to take a stand than to understand. So, too, it’s easier to decide against than to decide for.
As the war of words wages on, issues become more complex. Outcomes become less predictable. Retorts become more simplistic.
Or maybe there is silence—the hardest argument of all to refute.
This book teaches you a better way to win arguments without quarreling, squabbling, tussling, wrangling, bickering, raising your voice, losing your cool, or coming to blows. Win arguments without bulldozing and browbeating the other guy. Win arguments by finessing rather than forcing, kickin’ butt, or being in the other guy’s face.
ou’ll learn how to make, manage, and move arguments without offending or embarrassing anyone, including yourself. Win arguments with confidence, grace, and ease.
The art of argument. It’s mysterious and powerful. It’s the art of having things go your way. And the art of getting out of your own way. It’s having “the moves.” But it’s also having “the touch.”
You’ll learn the way of the ancient martial arts masters. In Japanese, ju means “gentle,” do means “way.” Judo means “gentle way.” The gentle way is directing rather than confronting the other guy’s energy. But what you’re about to discover won’t turn you into a softie.
Winning isn’t about pushy pitches, dolling up your ideas with rouge and rhinestones, or having a gift of gab. The winning way is to get a grip, because you need to be in control of how you will be; to construct a Consent Zone, because you need to manage emotions, not avoid them; to link,
because you need things to feel right so a person will want to follow your lead; to lead with bulletproof reasoning because what you say needs to sound right; and to cinch consent, because, in the end, you want to trigger action. There are reasons why all of us do what we do. The reasons don’t have to be good reasons; they often aren’t. The reasons don’t have to be the product of conscious choice; they often aren’t. This is a book about being people savvy. Understanding what makes people—including ourselves—tick.
You will discover what works—and what doesn’t—when you are up against a stone wall, when your ideas are being rejected, or when you are confronted with hostility and anger. You’ll learn how to be an uncompromising compromiser. How to finesse people who would rather be right than reasonable and stand up to people you can’t stand.
Along with the moves for outgunning and outmaneuvering the other guy, you’ll learn techniques for developing life skills that will dramatically enhance your chances of professional success and personal satisfaction.
The book you are holding has been revised and updated. To be right for our times, I have to say…
Welcome to the New Normal.
It’s a time and place that is neither kind nor gentle. Our New Challenges are different than our Old Challenges. Conversations are tougher. Disagreements are more frequent. Conflicts are more trying.
All too often, it’s the guy who has a “do it my way” style that gets his way. The guy with the Heavy Metal Moves. Unless you have a special knack for looking the other way, stay tuned. In a new chapter, you’ll learn how to use Heavy Metal Moves. You won’t be dissed, dismissed, or dumped on, and you’ll learn how to defend against their use by that other guy.
Folks in conflict can no longer afford to hire litigation lawyers. In a new chapter, you’ll discover time- and money-saving alternatives to court litigation: mediation, arbitration, collaborative. Unlike court litigation, these alternatives are private. Confidential. And nothing can happen unless YOU chose for it to happen. You’ll choose the process that’s best for you—what to do. What not to do.
By the way, if you’re interested in becoming a mediator, this chapter explains the basics I teach in workshops to lawyers and non-lawyers interested in becoming full- or part-time mediators.
Will you be doing business with folks a world away? Whether you’re sitting at your office keyboard or at their negotiating table, you need a global mindset to influence outcomes: how they make decisions. How to hear what isn’t being said. How to bridge differences—and who gives in. A new chapter lays out your must-know basics: cross-cultural persuasion, negotiation, and conflict resolution.
ASIN : 8129145510
Publisher : Rupa Publications India; 1st edition (10 April 2017)
Language : English
Paperback : 244 pages
ISBN-10 : 9788129145512
ISBN-13 : 978-8129145512
Item Weight : 272 g
Dimensions : 12.6 x 1.4 x 19.2 cm
Country of Origin : India
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